Feeling all alone.

This hopefully is going to be a short post.  I don't know what it is about today, but I feel so alone and isolated. I am still reeling with grief at my failed FET but have to function like a normal person....go in to work, smile, make small talk..I don't know act strong when I am all broken inside, feeling hopeless and helpless.
I look to my husband for comfort but he has his own life. He has moved on from the loss. He talks about all his friends kids and how cute and playful they are. And when he does that all I can think about is how worthless I am that I cannot even give him a child. I feel punished, deserted and my heart just hurts. I want some divine intervention, I need to know my husband cares about me and that we will get through this together and not in isolation.
God when will all this end...when will I be able to wake up again without an ache in my heart. When will I be able to stand up for myself and my feelings. 

My battles with IVF

This is my very first blog. I am attempting to chronicle my journey through IVF. My husband and I have been trying to have children for the past two years. After a year of trying and not conceiving, desperation took hold. I never thought that I would need any assistance getting pregnant. But at the age of 36 there is only so much you can wait....my clock is definitely ticking. After a panel of tests, there was nothing really wrong with me or my husband. So we were put under the "unexplained" category. As of August 2010, we began our tryst with IVF.
Had our first retrieval in beginning of November 2010. We got 8 embryos out of it.  Cocky as we were, we decided that we would transfer only one "perfect" 8 cell embryo  and guess what ..it was a big fat BFN.
NO worries I thought...sad as I was I knew I had really good embryos 7 frozen away. So started FET #1 in late January of 2011. Transfered 2 great embryos that thawed at 100% and 75% viability and got a BFP. But then the hCG levels started dropping and miscarried. That broke my heart. It took a couple of months to heal from that but I ventured out again for FET#2 in early July. Found out that it was a possible chemical pregnancy but then the numbers kept fluctuating but never got high enough. So as I write this I am waiting for the hCG numbers to drop, another miscarriage.
While all this is happening to me everybody around me is pregnant...my sister had her second child, people who started IVF with me have gotten pregnant...but I am stuck here in this limbo waiting for my miracle.
How does one cope with this pain? Every time I go through this a part of me dies. I feel so isolated and alone...almost like I am fighting this battle alone. When will this end? When will God decide that He has punished me enough? I am waiting.......