This is my very first blog. I am attempting to chronicle my journey through IVF. My husband and I have been trying to have children for the past two years. After a year of trying and not conceiving, desperation took hold. I never thought that I would need any assistance getting pregnant. But at the age of 36 there is only so much you can wait....my clock is definitely ticking. After a panel of tests, there was nothing really wrong with me or my husband. So we were put under the "unexplained" category. As of August 2010, we began our tryst with IVF.
Had our first retrieval in beginning of November 2010. We got 8 embryos out of it. Cocky as we were, we decided that we would transfer only one "perfect" 8 cell embryo and guess what ..it was a big fat BFN.
NO worries I thought...sad as I was I knew I had really good embryos 7 frozen away. So started FET #1 in late January of 2011. Transfered 2 great embryos that thawed at 100% and 75% viability and got a BFP. But then the hCG levels started dropping and miscarried. That broke my heart. It took a couple of months to heal from that but I ventured out again for FET#2 in early July. Found out that it was a possible chemical pregnancy but then the numbers kept fluctuating but never got high enough. So as I write this I am waiting for the hCG numbers to drop, another miscarriage.
While all this is happening to me everybody around me is pregnant...my sister had her second child, people who started IVF with me have gotten pregnant...but I am stuck here in this limbo waiting for my miracle.
How does one cope with this pain? Every time I go through this a part of me dies. I feel so isolated and alone...almost like I am fighting this battle alone. When will this end? When will God decide that He has punished me enough? I am waiting.......
Had our first retrieval in beginning of November 2010. We got 8 embryos out of it. Cocky as we were, we decided that we would transfer only one "perfect" 8 cell embryo and guess what ..it was a big fat BFN.
NO worries I thought...sad as I was I knew I had really good embryos 7 frozen away. So started FET #1 in late January of 2011. Transfered 2 great embryos that thawed at 100% and 75% viability and got a BFP. But then the hCG levels started dropping and miscarried. That broke my heart. It took a couple of months to heal from that but I ventured out again for FET#2 in early July. Found out that it was a possible chemical pregnancy but then the numbers kept fluctuating but never got high enough. So as I write this I am waiting for the hCG numbers to drop, another miscarriage.
While all this is happening to me everybody around me is pregnant...my sister had her second child, people who started IVF with me have gotten pregnant...but I am stuck here in this limbo waiting for my miracle.
How does one cope with this pain? Every time I go through this a part of me dies. I feel so isolated and alone...almost like I am fighting this battle alone. When will this end? When will God decide that He has punished me enough? I am waiting.......
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